Disappointed by the real life look of her favorite actor, a fan said,
"Before your arrival I was impatiently looking towards the Entrance of the auditorium. "
The Pleased actor said, "Now are you looking towards me"?
" No, looking towards the Exit."

Wonderful! Witty and wise.

How about one from you?

Here goes one of my favorites:
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Churchill

Here goes one more:
A police officer was explaining to the indignant matron behind the wheels why he stopped her vehicle. "Ma'am, you ignored a stop sign, wandered over the opposite lane three times, and made an illegal left turn." While he wrote the ticket he listened politely to the woman's uninterrupted protest.
"The trouble with you policemen," she concluded bitterly, " is you spend all your time picking on responsible citizens. Why don't you go catch drunk drivers for a change?"
" Ma'am, I thought I had one." was the soft reply.

One who is down is a blessed one.
How ?
There is no fear of another fall

Good one!

Here goes yet another:
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." by Stephen Bishop

Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

"He hasn't an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him." --Eddie Cantor

I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee." ( Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." (Churchill's reply)--
This one is awesome, isn't it?

Disappointed by the real life look of her favorite actor, a fan said,
"Before your arrival I was impatiently looking towards the Entrance of the auditorium. "
The Pleased actor said, "Now are you looking towards me"?
" No, looking towards the Exit."

Wonderful! Witty and wise.

How about one from you?

Here goes one of my favorites:
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Churchill

Here goes one more:
A police officer was explaining to the indignant matron behind the wheels why he stopped her vehicle. "Ma'am, you ignored a stop sign, wandered over the opposite lane three times, and made an illegal left turn." While he wrote the ticket he listened politely to the woman's uninterrupted protest.
"The trouble with you policemen," she concluded bitterly, " is you spend all your time picking on responsible citizens. Why don't you go catch drunk drivers for a change?"
" Ma'am, I thought I had one." was the soft reply.

One who is down is a blessed one.
How ?
There is no fear of another fall

Good one!

Here goes yet another:
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." by Stephen Bishop

Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

"He hasn't an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him." --Eddie Cantor

I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee." ( Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." (Churchill's reply)--
This one is awesome, isn't it?

This one has been used by me.

New one is,You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.

Disappointed by the real life look of her favorite actor, a fan said,
"Before your arrival I was impatiently looking towards the Entrance of the auditorium. "
The Pleased actor said, "Now are you looking towards me"?
" No, looking towards the Exit."

Wonderful! Witty and wise.

How about one from you?

Here goes one of my favorites:
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Churchill

Here goes one more:
A police officer was explaining to the indignant matron behind the wheels why he stopped her vehicle. "Ma'am, you ignored a stop sign, wandered over the opposite lane three times, and made an illegal left turn." While he wrote the ticket he listened politely to the woman's uninterrupted protest.
"The trouble with you policemen," she concluded bitterly, " is you spend all your time picking on responsible citizens. Why don't you go catch drunk drivers for a change?"
" Ma'am, I thought I had one." was the soft reply.

One who is down is a blessed one.
How ?
There is no fear of another fall

Good one!

Here goes yet another:
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." by Stephen Bishop

Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

"He hasn't an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him." --Eddie Cantor

I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee." ( Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." (Churchill's reply)--
This one is awesome, isn't it?

This one has been used by me.

New one is,You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.

Never mind...but I can hardly do it in real life..though I try my level best.

it is really awesome

I remeber another. Once Judge being annoyed with an advocate remarked-  If this is the law as you plead, we should destroy the law books".  But te advocate confronted boldly saying- 'No- better read them." .  

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

I remeber another. Once Judge being annoyed with an advocate remarked-  If this is the law as you plead, we should destroy the law books".  But te advocate confronted boldly saying- 'No- better read them." .  

 

Quite a good one. Ready wit in a quick way is the essence of of a repartee. Once famous Hollywood  comedian Bob hope was addressing the American soldiers  inVietnam during Vietnam war. There were politicians  of both sexes also present in the gathering.

Bob Hope started his speech, " ladies, gentlemen  and politicians..... "

A person has to have witty enough to use repartee at the right moment and right situation.

Ready wit and razor like sharp brain are necessary for this art of Repartee.